Thursday, February 18, 2016 - Currently

-Currently-

I just went through two months of pictures on my phone and posted them up!

I think I'm missing some things but I'll figure it out later...

Anyway, I will start making "Currently" posts and update everything I've been up to.

I basically just went through my entire blog to find and tag those posts, too, haha!

School: last semester of my undergraduate degree! Bachelor of Arts in Liberal Studies. Excited to figure out what's next after school is done. No idea what I'm doing.

My classes have been really fun and I have participated more than I ever have in college (which is kind of weird! but cool). I observed a Vietnamese dual immersion class which is really freaking cool. Ready to finish strong but senioritis gets me sometimes.

Books: I would like to get back into reading for fun soon! I saw all of my old "I finished this book" posts and I was kind of strangely impressed by myself haha! But I haven't finished a book in a while and I should do so. I have to read for fun for a class anyway. I hope I can stick with "Made You Up" by Francesca Zappia. I like it so far, funny but serious.

What else is there to update? 

I stopped knitting and crocheting, it felt weird at first because I needed something to do with my hands so maybe I should find something new. But maybe one thing at a time.

I was really into learning about makeup for a time. Just about products though, not really applying. Reddit for everything. It's really fun to look at all the packaging and the looks that people create. I decided to just focus on skincare and having nice skin before I want to learn how to do makeup. I think wearing makeup makes feel uncomfortable anyway, so I guess that works out. Even though I love looking at people's makeup products. I'm trying out some Paula's Choice exfoliator and other stuff. I like the exfoliator so far, I'll probably buy that full sized.

Sigh also trying to build my wardrobe and try to have better quality clothes. We'll get back to that.

Also I have a weird habit of cutting my hair short (like shoulder length) every 2-3 years. It's not even on purpose.

I just want to do everything! Like play piano and guitar.

I'm really excited to finish school and start working. 

And just doing stuff. And being a (sorta) adult. 

I started writing in a notebook for every day and putting down a few things that happened that day and focusing on what's good. It's been hard to keep up (like this blog and all my social media, basically) but I'm getting there. 

I got really emotional when I finished class for the day today, like excessively joyful but I felt sad for some reason. Dunno, just wanted to go home, I guess! The semester is going by so fast. 

Sunday, September 7, 2014 - Currently

I think sometimes I only get reminded to post when my friend posts.

So an update:

Quote of the month:
Be still and know I am here.

I teared up when I read this on a slide during our reflection at our spiritual retreat. Phew.

School: pretty okay so far, only one class seems like I have my work cut out for me. Other than that, it's pretty much the usual. Still shooting for straight A's!

Work: um, totally unemployed. Waiting for someone to get back to me. Maybe I should just apply to new places.

TNF: I think TNF has taken over my life. It feels weird. I'm confident I can do the job and I love what I'm doing but I just feel like it's becoming all I think about and that's not necessarily a bad thing but...I just want more than this sometimes. How do I get more? Why do I want more? What is more?

Books: I really want to "binge read" as my friend calls it but I haven't found anything good, really. Reading I am Legend right now and trying out some Murakami...

Music of right now (favorites of the past three or so weeks). We have the best playlist ever on Spotify, clamchauder. So clever, I know. 

Ed Sheeran- One
Sam Smith- Lay Me Down
Foxes- Youth
Pacific Air- Float
Mitis- Born(vocal mix)
Yuna- Lullabies
Knox Hamilton- Work it Out
Tove Lo
Charli XCX
For the Foxes
Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness

I should really sleep earlier but I dunno. I need more life in my life.

We spend all this time saying we can't wait until we can do this or that...so we spend all this time waiting! Why wait?

I need to remind myself
Be brave
Live slowly

Thursday, May 22, 2014

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”
Henry Adams

New job, 4.0 GPA this semester.
TNF is done, lots of free time to learn.
Things are looking up!

Monday, May 12, 2014

Got an A in my English class!!!

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

I've been feeling lost, like I don't know anything about myself.

Recently I took this personality test for fun because a kid from church was telling me about it and I got the "peacemaker".

Avoids confrontation is probably one of the things that stuck with me the most about it. Which is true about me, but someone told me a long time ago that I stick up for what I believe so what happened? Did I lose myself? Was it ever true in the first place?

On top of that, describing yourself as avoiding conflict isn't really a desirable trait. Now I question myself at every turn. Am I being passive? Am I saying enough?

I'm lost.

I feel tired of everything and I keep wondering if I'm doing the right thing for myself. I don't know my reasons anymore and I don't feel inclined to do much. I want to learn myself again and remember why I do what I do.

The whole 'avoid conflict' thing, I'm starting to see how it's destroying me. I've shut off emotion and I've taken a back seat to my own life. I do everything just to do it. It's routine, it's habit, it's mindless. It should be ambition, it should be dedication, it should be happy, it should be worth every second.

There are so many things I don't think through anymore because ignorance is bliss and I'd rather not be worrying about such things. I'd rather not make it complicated, I'd rather keep things easy and just go with it.

Because I don't want to know if I'm wrong.
I don't want to be wrong about myself.
I don't want to be wrong.

But maybe it's okay to be wrong.

I'm going to lay it all out.
Search.
And I'll see if I can find myself again.

Here's what I want.
Here's why I want it.

Is it good enough?

Teacher:
I don't want to do the same things every day.
Call it déjà vu: I've imagined having my own classroom since I was a kid.
Many of the wonderful people I have met in my life are teachers. I want to be like them: intelligent, humorous, beautiful, kind, caring, energetic.
To give.

Why?
I still feel like I don't know why.
I still feel like it's not good enough.
Why am I still searching for the reason when I have already chosen?
It's like I've jumped without looking.

TNF:
I want a role model but never had one. I wish to be that for someone.
We have done great things and have more to do.
For my dad.
For my mom.
I've been given great friends.

...I know now.

I remember.

In life, we are here to make other people happy.

Something my dad said once.

I do feel like I'm here to serve other people.
I want to make a difference in the world, no matter how small.
I will be remembered.
I will change lives.
I will touch souls.

I will work at everything I feel I'm not good at. Another reason why I chose teaching.
Everything that a teacher does is what I'm scared of or what I'm not.
But it is what I want to be.

I wrote this to find myself and remind myself.
I think I've made it.

Go out and do it.

Stay challenged and better myself.

Remind myself.
I will remind myself that life is beautiful.
I will remind myself to live slowly.
I will remind myself to do what scares me.
I will remind myself to have courage.
I will remind myself to be brave.

Monday, March 17, 2014

I got a 5-/6 on my paper for English!

Apparently, it's pretty hard to do, so yayyyyy!

Tuesday, December 17, 2013 - Tie Dye

Tie Dying in my art class.